Feeling A Little Weird About Using A Sex Toy? Let’s Talk About It!
We try to stay away from sweeping generalizations here at PinkCherry. We’re fans of that old saying “never assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.” We’re going to make an assumption now, though. Are you ready? Here goes. We’re all having sex. Maybe not at this exact moment (who knows, no judgements here!), but it’s safe to say that we’ve all had, or will have, sex at some point. Your parents had sex (ewwwww), the weird upstairs neighbor has sex, your boss, the mailman, your ex (sorry). Sex, sex, sex.
Here’s a question for you. What percentage of those sex-having people would you estimate have a toy or two stashed away somewhere? You might be thinking “nah, they don’t seem like the type” or “sex toys aren’t that big of a deal, not that many people use ‘em.” If so, we’ve got news for you. You’re definitely wrong about one of those things, and probably also wrong about the other. That’s okay though, these are common misconceptions!
Here’s a number (dollar amount, actually) for you to mull over. 15 billion. That’s the estimated global size of the sex toy industry. Quite a chunk of change, in other words. The sex toy industry is booming, and that’s because people are buying sex toys! It’s just basic economics, really. Supply and demand. So, you could say that sex toys are, in fact, a pretty big deal, and not just in terms of the global economy.
As for that ‘not the type’ thing, let’s get this out of the way right now. There is no ‘type’ of person who might or does use a sex toy. There just isn’t. No. Do you go around broadcasting your rabbit vibe or prostate massager? Do you stand on the street corner holding an ‘I heart my ball gag’ sign? Didn’t think so. If you do though, awesome! Can we be friends? Our point is, of course, that sex with a partner (and toys) or sex with yourself (and toys), is usually a private affair. And that’s exactly how it should be.
Hey, look at that! We’ve proven two sex toy misconceptions wrong without even trying. Let’s keep going. Unfortunately, there’s still quite a bit of misinformation lingering around the idea of sex toys - using them, buying them, loving them. Luckily, we absolutely ADORE smashing up stereotypes and de-mystifying sex myths, so we did a little research. We asked around (yes, our friends are quite accustomed to being asked awkward questions by now!) and came up with a few reasons why people might be still be stalling on trying out a sex toy. We’re going to talk about them, and then tell you why they’re silly. No offence!
I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T NEED A SEX TOY
This is a good one! Of course no one literally needs a sex toy. We don’t technically need toilet paper, pillows or wine either, but those things certainly make life better and/or more enjoyable.
Speaking of enjoyment, maybe you’ve heard of the orgasm gap? The results of a large scale survey polling sexually active Americans are in, and they aren’t great, O-wise. For women, that is. More than 90% of men report having an orgam the last time they had sex, but only 64% of women say the same. We’ll have to assume that at least half of those lucky ladies know, or have partners who know that 70% of clitoris owners can’t reach orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Yep, that’s a majority, folks, and brings us to one of the reasons you feel might like you shouldn’t need, say, a vibrator, for example.
You might feel like your partner should be able to get you over the orgasm edge without any help, and maybe they can. You probably can, too! But why not take advantage of a little toy help? A good clitoral vibrator or a clitoral suction stimulator (highly recommended!) can be a surefire way to start closing that orgasm gap. You can use it to make sure your clit gets all the attention it needs during sex, or you can pass it off to your partner to use on you. Just remember that 70% stat. You’re not weird or broken if you can’t get there without some clitoral love - you’re in the majority.
SEX TOY STORES MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE
You’re not alone! Here’s a little anecdote from the PinkCherry files. When we first started up our site, it was in direct response to this issue. Even ten or so years ago, most brick and mortar adult toy stores weren’t very welcoming. Most doubled as porn shops, and blacked out windows, dim lighting and dustiness were par for the course. We wanted to make sex toy shopping easy, safe and fun, so we designed our site to be welcoming to all and as non-intimidating as possible.
In the decade between then and now, we’ve seen a huge change, not only in the appearance, marketing and atmosphere of brick and mortar sex shops, but also in the way in which sex toys are packaged and presented. When you walk into a toy store (or click on a reputable adult toy site like ours) these days, you’ll usually be greeted by a colorful, neatly arranged selection of toys and little-to-no naked lady imagery.
SEX TOYS CONFUSE ME! THERE ARE SO MANY OUT THERE AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START.
Fair! We’ll agree with you that sex toys can be confusing, but so can be the mall, if you don’t know what you’re shopping for. You could go wandering around in circles for hours if you’re just taking a gamble on something catching your eye. There are lots and lots of sex toys available, but that’s a good thing! It means that once you’ve decided on a type of toy, you’re going to have lots of options. Now, as for figuring out what you want, we wrote a nice big guide to help with that very thing! We’ve also set up our site to make it nice and easy to zero in on what might work for you and your stimulation needs.
Into glass dildos or electro stimulation? Great. We’ve got a category for that! Need to pick up a perfect massage candle or a naughty sex game? Same.
I BROUGHT UP THE TOPIC OF SEX TOYS WITH MY PARTNER ONCE AND THEY WEREN’T INTO IT
Oof. This is a tough one, but honestly, we were happy to hear it. Don’t get us wrong, we’re definitely not happy that the sex toy talk didn’t go your way! Thing is, there are a TON of misconceptions floating around about couples using toys and we’re really eager to pounce and prove them wrong. First off, it’s really good that you tried talking to your partner about using a sex toy. It means that you’re open, honest and ready to communicate about sex and what you want. Congrats! Hopefully, you were able to get to the bottom of why they weren’t enthusiastic about bringing a toy into the bedroom, but if not, here are a few possibilities to ponder.
Your partner might be worried that if you start relying on a sex toy for pleasure, you won’t need or want them at all. To that we say - nope. There will never EVER be a substitute for a real life flesh and blood partner who cares about you and your pleasure. If a vibrator or masturbator could replace sex with any type of success, we’d all have given up on getting down by now. Pretty sure that hasn’t happened!
Emotional connection is a huge part of sex, as you probably know. Even if you’re a fan of the more casual type sexy of rendezvous, you may have noticed that sex works and feels better when you’re at least a little emotionally invested in your partner. That brings us to the topic of closeness. A partner who shies away from the idea of sex toys in the bedroom might be worried that you’ll be distracted or preoccupied by said toys. Turns out that the opposite is true, IRL. When couples explore sex toys together, there’s usually an upward spike in closeness. They’ll likely be mesmerized by your pleasure, or you with theirs. After all, there’s nothing sexier than watching someone you care about writhe and moan in ecstacy.
Like we said already, if you’ve broached the subject of toys with a partner already (even if they weren’t into it) good for you! Communication is extremely important in any sexual situation. If it’s the first time you’ve talked about toys, they might just need a while to process the idea. Try again. Maybe spend some time on our site together. Start off in our sensual love section and explore some romance basics before diving into cuffs and straps! If they still aren’t going for the idea, that’s okay. You can always save your toys for alone time, after all!
I DON’T WANT A SEX TOY
That’s totally fine! You do you.
If we still haven’t managed to clear up the last of your possible sex toy hang-ups and convinced you that sex toys are the best (all the cool kids are doing it!) try looking at the sex toy situation this way - there’s no real downside to any type of sexual exploration! Worst case scenario: it’s not your cup of tea, coffee or otherwise liquid, and you never try it again. In the case of a sex toy you’re just not that into, you may never use it again. But if you love it, you might end up wondering how you lived so long without it. The goal of any toy is pleasure, that’s it. Plain and simple. Relax, take your time, enjoy! Oh, speaking of, you know what helps with relaxation? An orgasm! We say, bring on the bunny!
Author: Melanie Pollock
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