To Be Or P-Spot To Be: Prostate Orgasm & How to Make It Happen
Riddle us this: Which body parts are tons of fun to touch, spank and caress (all consensually, of course!) AND have the potential to bring on the greatest orgasms of your (or your prostate gland owning partner’s) life? If you a) read the title of this blog, and b) know what the prostate gland is, you can probably guess where we’re going with this, but if not...butts. The answer is butts.
Maybe you’ve noticed that so far in our blog adventures, we’ve talked about sex toys, we’ve talked about the clitoris (a lot!), we’ve talked about penis pumps, cock rings, vibrators and masturbators, but we haven’t talked all that much about Things That Go In Your Butt. Great news for all you curious would-be prostate explorers, that ends now! Today we’re digging into prostate massage: what it is, how to do it, and why you should definitely think about giving it a whirl or two (hint: really, really intense orgasms).
First off, let’s get the elephant out of the room and talk about putting things in our butts, shall we? We’re all grown ups here. We know that anal sex is a thing, and we know that people of all genders, orientations and identities love having their butts played with, penetrated, tickled, teased, licked, what have you. Hopefully you also know that there’s nothing weird, wrong, devious, sinful or any other negative-nelly adjective with or about having your butt played with or wanting to play with someone else’s butt. Period. Full stop. Moving on!
WHAT EVEN IS THE PROSTATE GLAND?
Also known as the P-Spot or male G-Spot, the prostate gland is a muscular organ that lives between the bladder and penis. It’s about the size of a walnut (sometimes chestnut, baby tomato, or apricot, depending on who you ask) and runs alongside the urethra in men. Biologically, it’s part of the male reproductive system - and a pretty important part, as it turns out.
The prostate’s baby-making job is to make, secrete and help control the flow of prostate fluid. Prostate fluid is an alkaline substance that protects sperm outside the body (and in the vagina, which is naturally acidic) - it also makes up about one third of semen. Prostate fluid starts building up when you/he reaches a certain stage of arousal, or, in other words, when things start getting really sexy.
Speaking of sexy, those blissful rhythmic contractions you feel during an orgasm? They’re (partly) thanks to the prostate gland, or, more accurately, the powerful muscles that surround it. During ejaculation, those muscles squeeze and release in waves, sending sperm-carrying prostate fluid along the urethra and (eventually) out through the tip of the penis.
So to sum up, aside from being a key part of making babies, the prostate gland is also key when it comes (pun intended) to orgasm. That’s what we’re interested in!
WHY WOULD I WANT TO MASSAGE MY/MY PARTNER'S PROSTATE
Ah, the question of the hour! We already know that contractions of the prostate are more than a little important if you’re at all interested in orgasms. Hands up? Yes, all of us. Okay. Up until now, we’ve been assuming that orgasm comes (hehe again) as a result of the penis being stroked, sexed, sucked etc. Here’s the thing though: stimulating the prostate, aside from feeling really, really good, can trigger an orgasm all by itself. How? Well...here’s where things get a little mysterious.
Honestly, we don’t know much about why prostate massage feels so good for a lot of penis owners. Much like the female G-spot it’s sometimes compared to, the pleasure-giving, orgasm-inducing effects of the P-Spot are a bit of a puzzler. Just two years back, Dr. Roy Levin, a researcher at the University of Sheffield in the UK had a piece on this very subject published in Clinical Anatomy. It’s long, and some of it’s a bit dry, but for our purposes, he says that while we know lots about the prostate gland’s physiological purpose (reproduction), most information about the prostate as an erogenous zone/sexy destination is anecdotal. In other words, there’s lots of evidence, but no real biological explanation.
There are some theories, though! Dr. Levin thinks that stimulating the prostate essentially re-trains the brain to be hyper-aware of the penis and also to associate new sensations with familiar pleasure patterns. The result? More intense, focused orgasms.
Another theory we’ve got lines up with the more physiological aspect of orgasm. Remember we mentioned that during the first stages of orgasm, the prostate contracts to send semen along its journey up and out? Stimulating the prostate manually mimics those contractions, which in turn might essentially ‘trick’ the body into releasing all the pleasure-causing hormones and sensations associated with orgasm. Possible proof: some penis owning people report that prostate massage feels like the first stages of orgasm- or the well-documented emission phase, also known as ‘the point of no return.’ That sensation, which usually means that ejaculation is seconds away, can last and last, building and building to an extremely powerful orgasm with or without the penis being involved.
Okay, science lesson over. It doesn’t really matter why prostate stimulation feels so good or why it can lead to super-intense orgasm. Fact is, it does and can. And that, dear readers, is why you might want to massage your own, or your partner’s P-Spot.
GREAT! HOW DO I FIND IT & WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?
If you’ve explored anal penetration before, there’s a good chance you’ve already met your prostate gland. If not, here’s how to make the introduction using something most of us have handy (so to speak) - a finger. You might be more comfortable trying these six steps out solo, but feel free to get your partner involved. Up to you!
- Get squeaky clean. Hop in the shower or tub and lather up, paying special attention to your derriere. For obvious reasons, you’ll want to be nice and clean when doing anything in the vicinity of the butt, plus, the warm water will help relax you. This is important!
- Get yourself all riled up. When its owner is aroused, the prostate swells up with fluid to prep for orgasm. The swelling makes the P-Spot easier to feel when you’re ready to venture inside. Watch something sexy, play around with a partner or take a favorite masturbator for a ride.
- Round up lots lube! For all things anal, you need lubricant, and probably way more than you think you’ll need. Slather it on, get it all around your anal opening. Any favorite water-based lubricant will be just fine, but we highly recommend one that’s specifically intended for anal play.
- Assume the position. You may will need to contort yourself a bit. The yoga-fave downward dog (chest down, butt up) is a pretty good position for prostate targeting; you also can lie on your side with one (or both) legs raised up or on your back with legs up in the air. You can stand with a leg up on something sturdy, or kneel. The important thing is that you (or your partner) has unobstructed access to your butt.
- Take the plunge SLOWLY. Touch, knead and massage around the rectum gently. You want to be extra relaxed and comfortable before venturing inside. Add more lube, you really can’t have too much. Slowwwwwly insert a finger (start with a pinky), paying attention to how it feels. The sensation can be a bit weird at first, but if hurts, stop! Relax, add even more lube, then try again if you’re up to it. No rush. Side note: You or your partner might want to use a condom over whichever finger’s headed up your bum if you’re nervous about any, shall we say, debris?
- When you’ve made it inside, gently curl your finger up, pressing toward your belly button. You should feel a walnut (chestnut, apricot, whichever you prefer) sized swell. That’s the prostate gland, P-Spot, make G-Spot, orgasm central, whatever you want to name it. Stroke, rub or circle it with the pad of your finger. Note what feels good and what doesn’t. Experiment. Enjoy. Maybe have an orgasm!
WHAT TOYS CAN I USE FOR P SPOT MASSAGE?
There are a TON of toys and tools you can take full advantage of. Not only can the right prostate stimulator make targeting the prostate easier and stimulation more precise, but it can also help bypass any possible finger-in-butt hang-ups. Here's where we give a shout-out to our friends at Nexus, because they make some great ones!
Oh, by the way, remember Dr. Levin from earlier in our article? Part of his study on prostate stimulation focused on a participant who seemed to have developed a bit of an addiction to his prostate massager. We aren’t condoning addiction of any kind, of course, but it just goes to show how powerfully pleasurable the right P-Spot toy can be!
A good prostate massager, whether it vibrates or is stationary, be it silicone, steel, plastic or glass, will be angled or curvy to match the curves of the anal canal. There will also usually be a nice big base or handle to help guard against too-deep penetration.
Of course, you can also try out some anal-intended dildos, vibes and butt plugs, too on your search for prostate orgasm. Just know that while these toys can be a great way to enjoy the millions of nerve endings and pleasure places in the anal canal (we’ll dive into that topic soon enough), they might not target the P-Spot with as much accuracy as you might want. If you do decide to try something other than a prostate massager, please make sure that it has a wide (flanged) base, or that you keep a very tight grip on it at all times.
We’re going to wind up today’s prostate exam by filling you in on what Dr. Levin would like to do next on his quest to uncover the mysteries of prostate pleasure. It involves comparing the brain’s reaction to prostate orgasms vs. penile orgasms. He thinks that the reason this hasn’t been done yet is simply because, and we quote: “it involves the need for rectal insertion and stimulation.” Well, you know and we know that there’s nothing scary at all about that particular practice, just the opposite, in fact. So...any takers?
Author: Melanie Pollock
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